Parents reject me because of HIV; ask the Counsellor

Q. My parents are very cold to me since I told them I was HIV positive. They said I was irresponsible and let them down.

I am successful in every aspect of my life but do not have a partner. Their rejection has hurt but as they get older I realise I need to sort out this situation and at least visit them sometimes. I am also very lonely and would like to talk to them occasionally. - A Datepositive member.

A. Congratulations on being successful in every aspect of your life. Not many of us can say that.

However, I note that you are very lonely, you do not have a partner and you would like to talk sometimes with your parents who are very cold to you since you told them you were hiv positive.  You say you need to visit them sometimes, so maybe that could be a good starting point.

Your parents sound meaningful to you.  Perhaps you could tell them this and say that life for you could be so much better with their support and you would very much value this from them.  Give them time.  If you still feel rejection from them, still believe in yourself and remember your achievements and respect yourself for the person you are.

There are many other sufferers of hiv out there, many good loving and true people.  Look on the online (as you are now).  Focus on what is right for you and go for it. - Frankie Hall, MBACP, DipCouns., DipEd.

Online dating advice: Help, this guy does not want to meet.

I have messaged and texted a guy on this site. He writes a lot about himself and tells me all kinds things you would only tell someone really close to you, but he doesn’t want to talk on the phone.

He says he really likes me and loves our messages and has even talked about us doing stuff together in the future. What should I do? I don’t want to stop messaging. - A Datepositive member.

A. You haven’t mentioned your age so I will assume you are youngish.  You say you don’t want to stop messaging a man who doesn’t want to talk on the phone but who talks about “us doing stuff together”.  Continue reading

HSV2 & Herpes transmission risk while asymptomatic

Q. Can a person get hsv2 from someone who has it but has no symptoms? - A member.

A. Yes. You can shed virus between attacks, and women in particular may have non-visible internal lesions.

This is called Asymptomatic Transmission. Herpes simplex infections are often spread by people who don’t know they are infected. These people may have symptoms so mild they don’t notice them at all or else don’t recognize them as herpes. Continue reading

Reducing risk of partner getting herpes

Q. I am just starting to see someone who does not have herpes. I’ve told him I have herpes and he has been ok.

We have not had sex as yet. I want to know what can we do to reduce the risk of him getting infected when we make love.

Also, can we have a bath together or share a towel? - A member.

A. No problem bathing together or sharing a towel, unless you have very obvious visible sore lesions.

You should still use protection for intercourse as you may have internal visible lesions or be shedding HSV. - Dr. Laurence Gerlis.