Online dating advice: Help, this guy does not want to meet.

I have messaged and texted a guy on this site. He writes a lot about himself and tells me all kinds things you would only tell someone really close to you, but he doesn’t want to talk on the phone.

He says he really likes me and loves our messages and has even talked about us doing stuff together in the future. What should I do? I don’t want to stop messaging. - A Datepositive member.

A. You haven’t mentioned your age so I will assume you are youngish.  You say you don’t want to stop messaging a man who doesn’t want to talk on the phone but who talks about “us doing stuff together”. 

What is this man hiding – he could be married or in a relationship.  Phoning could leave clues for his partner. Or, could this be one of those men who ‘groom’ their potential victims, tempt them into a false, seemingly caring relationship, then use and abuse them at a later date?

What stuff does he want to do with you?  Has he said why he doesn’t want to talk on the phone and why is he telling you all kinds of things you would only tell someone really close to you.  What’s in it for him?

Watch what you say. They a lot of bad people out there. Don’t give too many details to him that could potentially harm you at a later date.  Should you ever contemplate meeting him in the future tell him it has to be with a friend first and in a public place like a cafe. If he is genuine he will understand your need for safety.

However, I would recommend you look at this situation and try to understand what you are hoping to get from this relationship.  If it is friendship, what is there around locally, what clubs/night classes could you join to increase your social circle?  This could be so much more safe and rewarding for you than a man who wants all or most of the control. - Frankie Hall, MBACP, DipCouns., DipEd. 

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