Learning how to trust again after discovering your boyfriend gave you herpes

Q. Hi, I’ve just joined this site and discovered that I have a real issue with trust.

My ex partner gave me herpes and I had no idea he had it.  He said he did not know and must have been asymptomatic but I am not sure I believe him.  Everyone on this site obviously has some kind of STD but I realise this has affected my ability to trust people, especially men.

What can I do to help regain trust again if I want to have a relationship?  I feel stuck and don’t know if I can move forward. - A datepositive.net member

You say you feel stuck.  Perhaps this is because your confidence in yourself and others has had a set back. However, if the way others behave is affecting your feeling about yourself, perhaps you need to take stock and think about what makes you who you are.  What are your good points – embrace them, – what are your bad points – acknowledge them and if possible work on them.  There always will be good and bad men (and women) out there, but the one constant in your life is you.

 How much do you trust yourself and your ability to cope with those who are not trustworthy?  How can you distinguish between those who can be initially trusted and those who can’t.  The simple answer of course is that no one has that divine ability.  We all need to build a ‘history’ in each of our relationships and it’s only when we look at this history that we can make a judgement on whether or not to like/love/trust/respect etc.
We all gather knowledge/wisdom from our mistakes.  If you think you are too trusting then let your relationship ‘history’ give you more concrete ‘evidence’ before you commit yourself again, but in the mean time enjoy socialising, be yourself, be safe, but aware that not everything is ever as it initially presents itself. If it takes a while before you trust someone fully (if ever), no problem – you’re just looking after yourself for a while.  Take care. - Frankie Hall, MBACP, DipCouns., DipEd

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