Online dating advice: Help, this guy does not want to meet.

I have messaged and texted a guy on this site. He writes a lot about himself and tells me all kinds things you would only tell someone really close to you, but he doesn’t want to talk on the phone.

He says he really likes me and loves our messages and has even talked about us doing stuff together in the future. What should I do? I don’t want to stop messaging. - A Datepositive member.

A. You haven’t mentioned your age so I will assume you are youngish.  You say you don’t want to stop messaging a man who doesn’t want to talk on the phone but who talks about “us doing stuff together”.  Continue reading

Introducing ask the Counsellor at datepositive.net

Datepositive introduces a new feature – Ask the Counsellor.

Counsellor and life coach Frankie Hall, MBACP, DipCouns., DipEd., will answer two to three questions a month from Datepositive.net members.

This is a completely anonymous and confidential service. You do not have to identify yourself at all. To use the service, you simply need to be a member of the site. You must also provide your datepositive.net username. Continue reading

Talking to your partner about HIV or Herpes, or sexual health

Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) used to be known as sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and refer to a range of infections that can be passed on through close sexual contact. STIs are extremely common – so common, in fact, that every week around 30,000 people in the UK attend NHS sexual health clinics. According to a recent study, demand for these health services still far outstrips supply.
Some STIs show symptoms all the time, some show symptoms none of the time and some only show symptoms in a handful of people. Whatever the case, the more we all know about them the better we’ll be able to manage the ones we have and avoid the ones we don’t. By understanding and talking about specific infections, it should also make it easier to discuss these issues with our partners. It also enables us to make informed decisions about the risks we’re prepared to take and the risk we’re prepared to expose our partners to.
In the UK and Ireland, socio-economic change continues to alter the way that some of us lead our lives. For many of us this can result in us having a greater risk of contracting an STI. Not only are people settling down later, but those who are single tend to have more partners than they did in the past – a sample of patients attending a Terrence Higgins Trust testing centre found that 6.1% and 7.1% of heterosexual men and women respectively had had a new partner in the previous seven days. At the other end of the age spectrum an increase in the number of divorces – 155,000 in 2005 in the UK – means that many middle-aged people are finding themselves exposed to STIs for the first time in twenty years.
Newspapers and the TV regularly report that there’s a continued explosion in STIs, but the reality behind the headlines depends very much on the STI in question. The most common infection, genital chlamydia, has seen a steady rise and has a nasty habit of not showing any symptoms, thereby lurking silently. Other infections such as gonorrhoea haven’t seen an explosion at all and something like syphilis is on the increase, albeit from a very low base.
Lastly, there’s the issue of STIs and relationships. A new diagnosis can trigger unjustified accusations of infidelity and someone with, for instance, an incurable but currently not-visible viral STI might be too nervous to tell a new partner.
Over the next few months, we’re going to be discussing these and other issues. We hope you find it useful. If there are specific issues you would like us to discuss, then send your suggestions to info@datepositive.net because all of these features will be written by NHS specialists in sexual health who work at Dr Thom.  Dr Thom is the UK’s leading online medical service and provides testing and treatment for a range of STIs and other lifestyle health conditions.

Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) – sometimes know as STDs – refer to a range of infections that can be passed on through close sexual contact.

STDs are extremely common to the point that every week around 30,000 people in the UK attend NHS sexual health clinics. According to a recent study, demand for these health services still far outstrips supply.

Some STIs show symptoms all the time, some show symptoms none of the time and some only show symptoms in a handful of people. Whatever the case, the more we all know about them the better we’ll be able to manage the ones we have and avoid the ones we don’t.

By understanding and talking about specific infections it should also make it easier to discuss these issues with our partners. It also enables us to make informed decisions about the risks we’re prepared to take and the risk we’re prepared to expose our partners to.

In the UK and Ireland, the changing ways in which we live our lives is contributing towards an increase in STDs. People are settling down later, but those who are single tend to have more partners than they did in the past – a sample of patients attending a Terrence Higgins Trust testing centre found that 6.1% and 7.1% of heterosexual men and women respectively had had a new partner in the previous seven days.

At the other end of the age spectrum an increase in the number of divorces – 155,000 in 2005 in the UK – means that many middle-aged people are finding themselves exposed to STIs for the first time in twenty years.

The media frequently reports that there’s a continued explosion in STIs, but the reality this reporting depends on the STI in question. The most common infection, genital chlamydia, has seen a steady rise and has a nasty habit of not showing any symptoms, thereby lurking silently.

On the other hand, cases of gonorrhea rose steadily from 1999 to 2002, but today the number of new cases is declining. However, the AIDS charity Avert reports that there is now concern that there is an increasing number of new cases of gonorrhea found in the UK that are resistant to certain drugs used to treat it.

Then there is the the issue of STIs and relationships. A new diagnosis can undermine trust between two people and also trigger unjustified accusations of infidelity. Someone with, for instance, an incurable but currently not-visible viral STI might be too nervous to tell a new partner. Counselling is an important consideration in this kind of situation.

If there are specific issues you would like us to discuss around STDs, send your suggestions to info@datepositive.net. We will get our Ask the Doctor writer, Dr Laurence Gerlis, to respond.