Learning how to trust again after discovering your boyfriend gave you herpes

Q. Hi, I’ve just joined this site and discovered that I have a real issue with trust.

My ex partner gave me herpes and I had no idea he had it.  He said he did not know and must have been asymptomatic but I am not sure I believe him.  Everyone on this site obviously has some kind of STD but I realise this has affected my ability to trust people, especially men.

What can I do to help regain trust again if I want to have a relationship?  I feel stuck and don’t know if I can move forward. - A datepositive.net member Continue reading

Parents reject me because of HIV; ask the Counsellor

Q. My parents are very cold to me since I told them I was HIV positive. They said I was irresponsible and let them down.

I am successful in every aspect of my life but do not have a partner. Their rejection has hurt but as they get older I realise I need to sort out this situation and at least visit them sometimes. I am also very lonely and would like to talk to them occasionally. - A Datepositive member.

A. Congratulations on being successful in every aspect of your life. Not many of us can say that.

However, I note that you are very lonely, you do not have a partner and you would like to talk sometimes with your parents who are very cold to you since you told them you were hiv positive.  You say you need to visit them sometimes, so maybe that could be a good starting point.

Your parents sound meaningful to you.  Perhaps you could tell them this and say that life for you could be so much better with their support and you would very much value this from them.  Give them time.  If you still feel rejection from them, still believe in yourself and remember your achievements and respect yourself for the person you are.

There are many other sufferers of hiv out there, many good loving and true people.  Look on the online (as you are now).  Focus on what is right for you and go for it. - Frankie Hall, MBACP, DipCouns., DipEd.

Online dating advice: Help, this guy does not want to meet.

I have messaged and texted a guy on this site. He writes a lot about himself and tells me all kinds things you would only tell someone really close to you, but he doesn’t want to talk on the phone.

He says he really likes me and loves our messages and has even talked about us doing stuff together in the future. What should I do? I don’t want to stop messaging. - A Datepositive member.

A. You haven’t mentioned your age so I will assume you are youngish.  You say you don’t want to stop messaging a man who doesn’t want to talk on the phone but who talks about “us doing stuff together”.  Continue reading

Introducing ask the Counsellor at datepositive.net

Datepositive introduces a new feature – Ask the Counsellor.

Counsellor and life coach Frankie Hall, MBACP, DipCouns., DipEd., will answer two to three questions a month from Datepositive.net members.

This is a completely anonymous and confidential service. You do not have to identify yourself at all. To use the service, you simply need to be a member of the site. You must also provide your datepositive.net username. Continue reading