Dating advice: things men really do not want to have to complain about

Men do not really nag, do they?  Well, a small number of them do, but most of them may make a comment or two and then give up, and possibly walk away.

So if you want to find out how to keep your relationship safe, consider this list of things that men don’t want to hear.  Obviously we’re not advising you to not communicate, but if you take a look at some of these openers, you will understand where we’re coming from, and save a lot of complaining or even nagging!

Constantly asking how you look, or if you look OK: Asking once in a while is OK.  It shows that you value your partner’s views and want him to think you look good.  But asking too much will give the impression that you are insecure and lack confidence, which over the long term can be a real turn off.  Also, asking if you look fat is another issue.  (Is there really a right answer to that one!). Pretty soon you are going to start hearing him say “Stop asking me that!”.

Talking about your ex, or saying you’re friends with your ex: It’s great that you are friends with your ex, or maybe even all of them. But constantly talking about them, introducing them all at once or asking if they can hang out with you both on Saturday evening is not a good idea.  How would you feel if your guy kept talking about his ex and wanted to hang out with her?  Not good, right?  Right.  People want to feel special and the focus of attention.  That’s part of the point of a date.  Some guys don’t mind if you’re friends with your ex, but most do. So sound him out and respect his feelings first, especially if you have just started seeing each other.

Telling him that he looks a bit like your dad, or that he makes you think of your brother: Saying this to a guy who is a friend is one thing, but to someone you are about to date, or your new boyfriend is a bad idea.  And if you keep saying it, he’ll soon ask you not too.  A guy wants to hear that he his sexy, smart and loveable in a way that only a boyfriend can be.

Letting him know that you tell your mother or your best friend everything: This really is a bad idea and it’s probably something you should stop doing.  No guy wants to know that what he is doing or saying is being discussed by you and other people he might not know.  It will feel like a betrayal and will affect the trust in the relationship.  A man needs to know that the relationship is special and not discussed by others.  This is the kind of thing that can lead to a break-up pretty quickly!

Telling him he never does something (such as buy you flowers, chocolate, calls after work): This is criticising, which we all know can sometimes lead a person to feel resentful and deflated.  If you want someone to do something, plant the seed of the idea as a positive suggestion, such as “I’d love to hear from you after work”, or “I love fresh flowers.  It would be great if they were from you.”

Telling him he is boring:  If he is, then again, why are you with him.  You may have to be clear and say you are just not that into fishing, golf, football, cooking, carpentry, whatever it is he keeps going on about.  But even if you are not, try and show a bit of interest and encouragement.

Telling him over and over that you don’t like his family or his friends: He is with you and either really likes you or loves you.  But his family and/or friends are most probably really important to him.  If one person is very problematic and doesn’t like you, and that’s causing friction, then try to talk about the issue and agree a solution.

Comparing him to someone else:  This is along the lines of telling him he never does something.  The overall message speaks for itself. You’re telling him you aren’t happy with him and/or his behaviour and that he is not measuring up to your (unrealistic?) expectations.  If you really do feel this way, you have to ask if you are with the right guy.  And if you keep comparing him, he will either ask you to stop, or break up with you.

Asking him who he’s attracted to and who he thinks is pretty: This may sound harmless but if the conversation happens over and over it can lead to trouble.  As well, he can feel as though he is being manipulated and may not know how to answer.

Asking him about the future, and hinting at living together or marriage: If he hasn’t asked you, chances are he is not ready, or doesn’t want to take the next step.  It doesn’t hurt to have a conversation and make sure you are on the same page.  No one wants to date a guy for two years and then find out that all along he had been planing to go to Australia. But by the same token don’t keep asking him the same question over and over.  That’s the last thing he will want to complain about!

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Dating advice: things women really don’t want to complain about

So you’ve been on datepositive.net for a while and you’ve started dating?

That’s great.  If you are looking for a relationship, either short or long term, it’s worthwhile addressing one of the things that can quickly destroy a good thing – complaining, better known as nagging.

This week, datepositive.net will take a look at the things women complain about in regards to men.  Firstly though it seems that men do think that women like to complain or nag.  I am pretty sure that isn’t true and would like to suggest that the solution is we all try to complain a bit less and try harder to make a partner’s happy, then that’s a good start.

Remember, complaining or criticising can destroy a good thing, so try to keep your relationship a happy and nag-free one.

Too much swearing: Women are guilty of this too.  But it seems that some men use really bad language too often in front of women and for the most part most women don’t like it – especially if there are kids around.

Helping with tidying up or housework: OK, so you are just dating and it’s still a pretty romantic time. Nevertheless, if you help around her place a bit, you can show that you’re a team player and and care about her, especially at the end of a long day.

Expecting her to tidy your place: Connected to the point above is expecting your girlfriend to tidy your place.  If you have had a really busy time and she wants to help out, that’s one thing. But dating a woman in the hopes that she will tidy your mess or cook for you is a big no-no.

Leaving the toilet seat up: This is an old one and it is usually number one of most people’s list.  It’s not just that the seat is up, sometimes a guy’s aim isn’t quite right and the splashing is off-putting.  Women particularly don’t like the seat being left up at night when the might use the toilet in the dark.

Leaving your clothes all around your room: Expecting a romantic and hot night with your girlfriend?  Don’t expect her to be too thrilled to go into your room and find your stuff everywhere, or dirty dishes lying about. Take time to tidy up a bit – it doesn’t have to be perfect – and she will be impressed.

Bringing dirt into the house: This is usually about not wiping feet and/or leaving shoes on.  More and more this is an accepted form of behaviour now when entering someone’s house.  So if you’ve been hiking, gardening or messing around in the garage, give your shoes a quick wipe.

So guys, check out this list and give it a bit of consideration. Women hate to nag, so don’t make it easy for them. Keep the criticisms out of the relationship and love is sure to grow.

Next time around – the things men complain about.

Online dating photo advice: a photo really does help your chances of success

There’s no doubt that in the world of online dating adding a photo to your profile is a must.

It’s accepted that that profiles with a photo are much more likely to receive more messages from other daters than those without a photo.

Members may think that profiles without photos are not be real. Or they may think they have been posted by people who feel uncomfortable using a dating website. The days of online dating being viewed as a place for misfits or those unlucky in love are long gone. And so if you post without an image, it’s likely that you’ll be viewed as someone who’s not serious about online dating. The result is that you won’t receive many (if any) messages from other users. Continue reading

Online dating advice: better profile headlines

There is more than one approach to writing a profile headline.

Your headline could describe what you are looking for. Here are a couple of good examples:

Seeking walks, talks and hugs – a straight headline but it tells the reader a lot what the member seeks in a partner.

Looking for an upbeat, positive, friendly person – once again a straight headline and very specific in terms of what’s being sought.

Seeking soul mate – a lot of people don’t like this headline but I honestly think it’s okay, if that’s what you’re actually looking for. However, if you use this headline be sure to be interesting and detailed in your actual profile. In other words, tell the reader what you think your soul mate will be like.

Looking for gentle giant/Looking for sassy girl – again, pretty clear in terms of what the member wants.

Use a headline to make a statement or request. This kind of headline is in a sense a combination headline. It says something about you and also describes what you are looking for. Here are a few of examples:

The world is my oyster – this person sounds like an explorer and ready to explore.

Let’s plunder the pot of gold – someone who is ready for adventure and who wants to share the great things life has to offer with a close companion.

Let’s get our boots muddy together – this person wants to wander off the beaten track in life and experience the wild and unusual.

Ask a question. A question headline creates curiosity and a bit of intrigue about your profile and who you are.

What’s the worst that could happen? – this restores the light-heartedness to dating that is so often missing because it can be loaded with expectations. At worst you could have a boring hour with someone not your type. At best you could meet the love of your life!

Can you restore my belly laugh? – here’s someone who definitely connects on the basis of humour. If you strike a cord with each other it could be great.
Fancy a film? – at first it sounds too basic but it’s good because that’s how great dates start, a shared enjoyment of something you both like.

Use humour or your favourite quote. I’ve said this before, you’ve got to be careful with humour because if it goes wrong it can go badly wrong. So play it safe and if you’re not sure, don’t use it.

However, here are some good examples to spur your creative juices:

Profile under construction – funny because it plays on the early days of the Internet when websites were never quite ready. Maybe this is a person in flux. Check out their profile again for new info.

Some like it hot – the title of one of Marilyn’s classics. Intriguing and inviting.

Can I borrow a bowl of sugar? – and why not?! You never know what might happen with the profile next door.

I wandered lonely as a cloud – lovely and romantic from the William Wordsworth poem, slightly sad too.

Dolce vita – the sweet life and someone’s looking to share it.

Only love interests me, and I am only in contact with things I love – a quote from the artist Marc Chagall, quite deep too. Whoever uses this line is pretty serious about love!

I hope these ideas help. Forget the headlines like Hello, or I’m John. Worst of all don’t leave the headline space blank, or fill it with a series of random characters. It just tells readers you can’t really be bothered. No-one stops to read a profile with an empty headline slot or a repeated run of keyboard characters.

Use a bit of imagination. Practice for an hour or so, and pick what you believe is the best. You’ll have something that really does grab the attention of the people you hope to meet, and that’s the first step in getting them to read your profile.

Online dating advice: writing that winning profile.

A successful dating website profile has to be honest. And I’m not talking about brutally honest. But you’ve got to be able to give a positive, interesting and colourful sense of who you are.

Remember, there are thousands of people competing with you for the person you want hope to meet. You’ll need to stand out from the crowd. Your objective is not just to be added to someone’s favourites list – you want that person to write to you.

Before you write your advert, think about what’s important to you and who you’d like to meet. What makes you a special person, someone worth getting to know?What do you have to offer another person, and what are you looking for in a date or partner?
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