A bit of effort with your online dating profile goes a long way

Lots of people join datepositive.net every week, but only a few will have success.

These members may blame the other members or the actual site, but my guess is that they haven’t put enough effort into their online profile.

Now, I know I have written a lot about this in the past, but the message is one that can’t be delivered too often. Making an effort with your profile and including the right things can really lead to success.

In fact, I have to say that whenever I get feedback from people with success stories they are usually the ones who have a pretty good profile and who have made contact with others.

So after managing this hiv dating and herpes dating site for almost five years, here are a few things that seem to come up time and time again with profiles. Paying some attention to these potential problems won’t take a lot of time and could make your membership really worthwhile.

1. Pick a good username, something that tells other members something about you. Just using your name or a mix of letters and numbers isn’t going to help anyone. Remember, your profile will be glanced at in the search results. Which profile would you be tempted to read? Sunshine_and_smiles, or hsn46?

2. A big turn off is writing a list of what you don’t want, and then referring to the reader as you, as in You will be outgoing, etc. Now, we all know that no one wants to date a loser or a heavy drinker. But writing a list of characteristics you won’t entertain is very off-putting and makes you sound too fussy.

3. Don’t copy other chunks of text from other people’s profiles. If someone is searching the site they are going to see that your profile (or the other one you’ve copied) isn’t unique and changes are neither one of you will get any attention. Besides, you are you and people want to hear about who you are.

4. These days more than one photo is usually not enough. Invest in some good pictures showing you in different settings and tag the pictures too, saying where you are. This is especially good if you like to travel.

5. Feel free to ask us for any help or assistance if you are struggling with your profile. We’ll be happy to draft something for you at no cost after asking a few questions about who you are and what you like to do.

February online dating profiles of the month announced

Each month we reward members who have put some thought into their profile and written something really interesting.

Today we announced the February Profiles of the Month. They are: kaya86, LittlemissP, Shomolu1, JaneyL, mrharrison, loobylu2000, and bongani2000.  They have all received a three month free upgrade or extension to their membership.

We encourage other members to write longer and interesting profiles for next month’s Profile of the Month awards!

Online dating photo tips: add a pic for a free upgrade/extention

A lot of people who join our site are still unsure about adding a photo. They feel it’s too unsafe to do so and don’t want to risk anyone seeing their picture.

This is really a sad state of affairs but it does underline the degree of prejudice and stigma that exists in our society towards people with HIV and herpes.

A few people have emailed me and said they are adamant they will not add a photo to their profile. I do reassure them and explain our safety mechanisms, but they are still not convinced. Continue reading

Online dating advice: profile quality

On dating websites I come across quite a few profiles saying: I will fill this in later, or: If you have any questions just ask.

I cannot see the point of such profiles. It is a bit like showing up at a speed dating event, a party, or any other kind of gathering, and saying: I am here, but I am not really here. I will look around but share nothing about myself.

I don’t know what kind of people write these profiles (sure, they are busy). But I will say that they give the impression of being lazy, a tiny bit rude, and above the rest of the group. Not very attractive qualities, are they? Continue reading

Online dating advice: better profile headlines

There is more than one approach to writing a profile headline.

Your headline could describe what you are looking for. Here are a couple of good examples:

Seeking walks, talks and hugs – a straight headline but it tells the reader a lot what the member seeks in a partner.

Looking for an upbeat, positive, friendly person – once again a straight headline and very specific in terms of what’s being sought.

Seeking soul mate – a lot of people don’t like this headline but I honestly think it’s okay, if that’s what you’re actually looking for. However, if you use this headline be sure to be interesting and detailed in your actual profile. In other words, tell the reader what you think your soul mate will be like.

Looking for gentle giant/Looking for sassy girl – again, pretty clear in terms of what the member wants.

Use a headline to make a statement or request. This kind of headline is in a sense a combination headline. It says something about you and also describes what you are looking for. Here are a few of examples:

The world is my oyster – this person sounds like an explorer and ready to explore.

Let’s plunder the pot of gold – someone who is ready for adventure and who wants to share the great things life has to offer with a close companion.

Let’s get our boots muddy together – this person wants to wander off the beaten track in life and experience the wild and unusual.

Ask a question. A question headline creates curiosity and a bit of intrigue about your profile and who you are.

What’s the worst that could happen? – this restores the light-heartedness to dating that is so often missing because it can be loaded with expectations. At worst you could have a boring hour with someone not your type. At best you could meet the love of your life!

Can you restore my belly laugh? – here’s someone who definitely connects on the basis of humour. If you strike a cord with each other it could be great.
Fancy a film? – at first it sounds too basic but it’s good because that’s how great dates start, a shared enjoyment of something you both like.

Use humour or your favourite quote. I’ve said this before, you’ve got to be careful with humour because if it goes wrong it can go badly wrong. So play it safe and if you’re not sure, don’t use it.

However, here are some good examples to spur your creative juices:

Profile under construction – funny because it plays on the early days of the Internet when websites were never quite ready. Maybe this is a person in flux. Check out their profile again for new info.

Some like it hot – the title of one of Marilyn’s classics. Intriguing and inviting.

Can I borrow a bowl of sugar? – and why not?! You never know what might happen with the profile next door.

I wandered lonely as a cloud – lovely and romantic from the William Wordsworth poem, slightly sad too.

Dolce vita – the sweet life and someone’s looking to share it.

Only love interests me, and I am only in contact with things I love – a quote from the artist Marc Chagall, quite deep too. Whoever uses this line is pretty serious about love!

I hope these ideas help. Forget the headlines like Hello, or I’m John. Worst of all don’t leave the headline space blank, or fill it with a series of random characters. It just tells readers you can’t really be bothered. No-one stops to read a profile with an empty headline slot or a repeated run of keyboard characters.

Use a bit of imagination. Practice for an hour or so, and pick what you believe is the best. You’ll have something that really does grab the attention of the people you hope to meet, and that’s the first step in getting them to read your profile.